blogger interrupted

This one goes to outsiders visiting Tremont, specifically east-siders, whining about the closure of the Interbelt on ramp from W. 14th.

SHUT THE FUCK UP, AND GET A GOD DAMNED MAP.

As everyone knows, I spend a lot of time in Tremont, the old neighborhood near downtown Cleveland where I had my last apartment.  The streets in Tremont were laid out over 150 years ago, and as such tend to confound folks – lots of neat angles, counterintuitive intersections, etc.  

In the 1950’s Tremont was gutted by I-71, which today runs parallel to W. 14th St, having plowed through the center of the neighborhood.  The interstate destroyed the continuity of Ohio City, Tremont, and Duck Island, and it took decades for the area to recover.  Tremont’s rebirth only began in the last 10 years.  

The good side of an interstate running through a century old neighborhood is that it creates great access to and from Tremont.  I-71, I-90, and I-77 are all seconds away from the center of Tremont.  SECONDS.

Recently, an on ramp to the Interbelt northbound from the end of W. 14th St. has been closed, because the Innerbelt Bridge is unsafe, and needs to be replaced.  The closure of this ramp is creating a lot of whining.

Closing the West 14th ramp to the Inner Belt Bridge and reducing lanes on the bridge itself have led to long commutes for residents and lost customers for businesses, said about 50 residents and merchants at a community meeting.

“We base our success on access,” said Ward 13 Councilman Joe Cimperman, who lives in Tremont. “Every single time someone gets lost in Tremont you lose one more resident or one more customer.”

Joe Cimperman, whiner in chief for his east side donors, can SHOVE IT UP HIS ASS.

This closed ramp is used by anyone leaving Tremont and heading east, toward I-90, or Carnegie…in other words, the east side.  The heights.  Yes, that lovely nuclear free zone.  After their monthly visit to slum in Tremont with all the cool kids, east siders no longer have their own personal highway ramp home.

Wah.

Here’s the thing.  

There is more than one way to get out of Tremont.  

You know how to find those other ways?

A MAP. 

It’s a neat item.  Invented by Romans, I think.  On it, you can find roads.  Yes, plural!  And those roads go to many places, probably the place you want to go, and from there, the place to which you wish to return.

Here’s one of Tremont even!

Look at all those interstate highways!  And WOW!  You can get to them even if the W. 14th St. ramp is closed!  And if crossing Abbey Road to take the detour across the Lorain Carnegie bridge is too SCARY for you, take I-490 to I-77 north, then back up to I-90.  SAFE!  No hoodlums!  Freeway non-stop!

God forbid east siders have to make a few extra left turns on their way out of Tremont.  This ain’t New York City, there isn’t traffic…your monthly trip to Art Walk might require an extra 3 minutes onto your otherwise 20 minute ride home.  Unless of course YOU CAN’T READ A FUCKING MAP IN WHICH CASE YOU’LL SPEND ANOTHER 2 MINUTES FINDING I-90 EASTBOUND LIKE A MORON WHO CAN’T READ A MAP.

If folks on the east side are so fucking lazy they can’t bother to figure out how to get a map, read it, use it, and then come to Tremont, then they probably shouldn’t come to Tremont anyway, because their presence will measurably lower the IQ of Tremont as a whole.

See you at Art Walk tomorrow.