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One morning, Ohio Republican Party Chairman Bob Bennett phoned a cleaning company.  He was nervous.

“Get someone over here NOW!” he shouted into the phone.  ”I don’t care if it’s a god damned Mexican and half his illegal family, get them over here…and bring disinfectant, god damnit!”

…..the night before……

Matt Naugle entered the Ohio Republican Party conference room, carrying Krispy Kremes.

“So much for the diet, eh?” joked Tom Blumer.

“Shut up, asshole,” Naugle shot back.

“Ha ha, fatass!” laughed Ralph King.

“You love that fat ass,” said Nixguy, knowingly.

“Enough,” said Matt Hurley, as he gaveled the meeting to order.  ”O.k., who’s running?”

“My cock!” shouted Ralph King.

“The one you suck all night?” laughed Blumer, grabbing himself.

“ENOUGH!” shouted Hurley.  ”We need an AG candidate, and Starfleet Command has given the task to us.”

A silence fell over the room.

“Starfleet….,” Naugle asked, “….Command?”

“Yeah, fat boy, what’s it to you.” shot back Hurley.

“I thought that was just between us….”

Another silence fell over the room.

“YOU thought?!?!?!” noticed Nixguy.

Awkwardness froze them all.

“Wait a minute…” wondered Blumer aloud, “you use Starfleet Command with these guys, TOO?”

Hurley had been caught.  

He fidgeted oddly, wondered what to say.  He began in spurts.

“Guys,” he said, “c’mon, I mean, really…”

“No.  FUCKING.  WAY.” shouted Ralph King.  ”That was OUR thing, dude.”

“Hold on, a minute….”

“FUCK YOU,” Ralph King said.  

“Dude…”

“I thought we felt something for each other….”

The accusations flew.

“Ralph, this is neither the place, nor the…”

Ralph - “Starfleet Command was our first time….”

Naugle - “My ass still hurts from that one….”

Nixguy - “I’m so hurt…”

Blumer - “You piece of shit, I’m gonna fuckin….”

“OK OK OK.” Hurley stood up to calm the room down.  ”I’m sorry, OK?”

“I’m….I’m just…sorry.”

The truth had come out.  There were no more secrets.

Hurley looked at Naugle.

Naugle looked at King.

King looked at Blumer.

And Blumer looked at Nixguy.

“Starfleet Command is….” whispered Hurley, “….in session.”

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