The least of these
Wed, May 28, 2008
So instead of being arrested in November, 2001, what actually happened that day was that I won the lottery to the tune of over $350 million. Of course, I knew folks would suddenly get friendly, so I kept it quiet. Real quiet. Nice chunk of change, but with 7 years of interest, WOW.
When I saw the winning numbers come up, I wondered,
“Self? How do we decide who my friends really are, so I can share my good fortune with the right people?”
So I came up with a plan to befoul myself into such a pariah, turn my life so upside down that even the most saintly Good Samaritan would think twice passing my fetid corpse on the road.
In today’s America, everyone knows how to do that! To Catch A Predator, AHOY!!! That was the easy part.
The hard part was keeping the gag going long enough for the people around me to show their true colors. And did they ever…..some took longer than others, but people are people. Just give it time.
So I have a bunch of $10 million dollar tranches (peanuts, really) lined up and ready to go, and the time has come to make my list. I’ve checked it twice. So many have missed the cut. Too many, frankly.
Now, it’s time to make the big decisions. Which is why I need your help.
If you think you’re on the list, read my favorite passage from the gospel of Matthew, 25:34-45, (don’t need to be a Christian!!) and then give me a call. Hint - if you don’t know how to find me, you didn’t make the cut anyway.
I know it’s a tough call, but just read what Jesus said. He always knew how to make it simple. So simple that after you read it, you’ll know who you are.
Then the King will say to those on his right, ‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world.
For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.’
Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?’
The King will reply, ‘I tell you the truth, whatsoever you have done for the least of my brothers, you did for me.’
Pay attention! Here’s the good part.
Then he will say to those on his left, ‘Depart from me, you who are cursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels. For I was hungry and you gave me nothing to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me nothing to drink, I was a stranger and you did not invite me in, I needed clothes and you did not clothe me, I was sick and in prison and you did not look after me.’
They also will answer, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or needing clothes or sick or in prison, and did not help you?’
He will reply, ‘I tell you the truth, whatsoever you have not done for the least of these, you did not do for me.’
You know who you are. So does God. Your inheritance awaits.
Popularity: 53% [?]
May 28th, 2008 at 8:06 am
Not a bad article, although you might want to link to it for posterity.
May 28th, 2008 at 9:07 am
thanks adam. i posted this before the story was live. link is in the post now.
May 28th, 2008 at 9:18 am
Sooo there IS a bible in your house, fascinating.
YOU MISSED the best part, verse 46″ These will go away into eternal punishment, but the righteous into eternal life.”
“Inheritance” implies that you are dead. I hope you have not killed yourself and that your “What Dreams May Come” has not come and your loyalists are not receiving $10 million dollars in Life Insurance benefits. Though I suspect your strong ego will prevent you from doing yourself in.
If your story is true (bizarre as is sounds) where is the bible verse about not offending, ostracizing, and generally not “freaking people out?”
Your emotional prestidigitation seems like a way to maintain control of trust issues.
After you calling me an “asshole” (I believe it was) on another blog (my only crime I thought being that I disagreed with you) it is hard to imagine that your “gag” and making yourself a “pariah” is so much of a stretch for you. You can be REALLY MEAN!
Congratulations! You are a $350 million dollar butt-hole!!!!!
Maybe there are NO ways to judge people accurately when that kind of money is involved. (But I’m just saying) Wouldn’t it be more beneficial for you to learn to judge people on their merits without the use of $10 Million tests? Do winners receive a gigantic check and a visit from the Russo “Prize Wagon?”
Seriously, I’m trying to put myself in your shoes….let’s see I’m “win” 350 million dollars, (which doesn’t seem like much of a “win” because my life is destroyed) for I assume being unjustly convicted, my life is stolen away, and everyone around me hates me. (Not because I am a sex offender but because I am an “angry blogger”)
As an attorney, I decide that I will be rich if I play this hand correctly…so I devise a scheme to alienate people around me and test their friendship…sounds like an “Indecent Proposal.”
Like I stated, I don’t really now how much $350 million is, besides a lot, maybe the aggravation and humiliation is worth it but would I even like the people that would be “loyal” to a sex offender?
I think that is a big question.
Would I accept that kind of money to know who in my “Entourage” is loyal?
I don’t think I’d like the answer. This is either a HUGE blessing or a gig-gantic curse. I can’t decide. I think I’d rather NOT KNOW.
With that kind of money you could buy a new reputation, feel vindicated and maybe assemble a life…but money ONLY makes one MORE of what they already are…
So will you make NEW ACQUAINTANCES and lay around on MORE AFFLUENT, couches getting high? Or will you be the new teat for every “loyal” pothead you know? Will people now be lounging on your NEW sofa smoking free weed? And will your NEW endowed life consist of “testing” every new suspect that comes into your life to determine if they are worthy of YOUR friendship (I mean money). 350 Million worth of paranoia, is a sad burden. To cope maybe you will have graduate from a “gateway drug” to something really mind numbing like heroin. (Ohio has plenty, I hear)
Not being in your circumstances, I refer to my previous post about your situation… ttp://bloggerinterrupted.com/2008/05/some-people-are-sayin#comment-346
“You LIVED a lie. You didn’t just lie, YOU LIVED a deceitful life and fooled people into thinking you were something you aren’t. YOU have no reasonable expectation of people trusting YOU.
If you are living a lie, you can’t be trusted yourself, and who do people go to when THEY need confidence and trust? NOT YOU!”
So now we discover you have been living a $350 million dollar lie.
Rich lie, poor lie, you are still living a lie.
Where is the TRUST in others that makes you human?
What happens to the 10 million dollar losers?
Truth be known, I am just confused, but I’m not in your situation.
I’d like to think this is another ruse in your crusade to flush out even MORE a-holes in your life but it sounds plausible.
I wish you well with your new money, I hope you can buy your life back, FIND your DREAM and live happily-ever-after and BE THE HAPPY BLOGGER!!! or give up blogging altogether to pursue a career.
And now that you are a “Bionic” butt-hole, my ONLY question to YOU is ARE YOU GOING TO GET A freakin’ haircut?
August 24th, 2008 at 12:02 pm
I found your blog because I just admitted to my friend that
I guess I am a friggin liberal because I see so many who need
help in our country and oil rich countries (who do not ahare with their people) - that people need
a hand up not a hand out and I tried to quote what Jesus said
about “doing for the least of these” to which I looked for the quote from the Bible - I think Jesus was a liberal too. I hope you will help many.