blogger interrupted

Hey Kids!  It’s been a while since I was covering the most sordid sex scandal Cleveland politics has ever produced that no one reported!  Damn editors.  Back in the day, if you had a nice juicy tale of infidelity in the mayor’s office, complete with Episcopal priests and gay husbands, that shit would hit the air faster than a water skiing squirrel. 

In case you forgot about my gig, I’m queen of the Cleveland Dead Blogger’s Society, which is basically where all the dead Cleveland media legends end up when they kick the bucket.  We still work.  We just have more sex.  Anyway, we just welcomed Gib Shanley & Casey Coleman with a big canasta game, complete with plenty of Manhattans and a bucket full of condoms on the bar.  

There’s an old tradition at these soirees, where the two most recent sportscaster arrivals have to go down on each other while I watch.  If I like what I see, I pick one of them out and take them to my place.  Who won? Here’s a hint…say what you want about that old coot Shanley, he sure knows how to treat a woman.

So anyway, my big scoop died.  But times are tough, I guess.  So after Gib porked me from behind with a giant kielbasi, I sat down with Joel Rose and Barnaby over some scotch and soda, and guess what that pervert Rose tells me.  He’s got another story.  Bigger and better.  I tell him to keep his shirt on, last time we went down this road I ended up with Margaret Bourke White eating me out like a god damn power sander.

Joel says, forget that, this one’s huge.  Potential GOP vice presidential candidate.  He’s from Ohio.  Dude might be a bit, shall we say, bent.  Now Joel’s got my attention.  So I down my cocktail, grab the notepad in my Louis Vatton purse, and head to the phone, start working it.  I call Eliot Ness.

Ness does his tiresome little Guy Noir schtick, and I get impatient.  I tell him, listen, you one-trick pony piece of shit, I want the dirt, and I want it now.  I’m not spending another 8 months having half the dead Cleveland media celebrities in the after life jumping my bones just so I can get their info.  

Ness says meet me at his place.  Good lord, not again.  The good news is that if Ness invites you over, it’s a big story.  The bad news is, I’m gonna need some serious lube for this situation.

Wish me luck!!!

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